


the boy in the mirror, his shadow and his regrets

by cosmogyral (beneathyourbravery)



Series: the poison pen [2]
Category: NCT (Band), Original Work
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Literary References & Allusions, M/M, Poetry, Prose Poem, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:08:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29919429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beneathyourbravery/pseuds/cosmogyral
Summary: Tales of a trip down the lane.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Mark Lee (NCT)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: the poison pen [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2200185
Kudos: 16





	the boy in the mirror, his shadow and his regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Just the "poems" Mark wrote in _the fire kiss of a seraphim_ , all put together so you can read the story they tell all by themselves <3

####  The boy in the mirror, his shadow and his regrets

#### The stained wall

_it must be hard, living a life you don’t want, for it is hard for me to simply live, any kind of life. i don’t wanna be here, i just don’t belong — please forget about me, please just let me go._

::

_i miss the way i used to mind about whether you’d be there if i dared to show up._

::

_in the morning when you wake up there are dark clouds covering up the stars and you want to believe the they don’t carry rain even though they’re dampening your heart._

_that is, sweet child, where all your problems start._

::

_last night you called God and He told you there’s no room in Heaven for people like you—that you’ve ignored divine mandate for the sake of the darkness brewing in your soul, and when you beg for forgiveness He says He’ll be kind and then fucks up the path of your life until you can’t remember where you were in the first place._

_and when they are all gone with your dreams fading away at the pace of their stroll, you’re left alone to wonder if this is what He meant when He said He’d give you a quest_ — _if this loneliness is everything a monster like you deserves._

::

_the gloom of the future chokes me and doesn’t let me breathe; it’s heavy on my chest and heavy on my heart. in the dark of the night, when nobody hears me, i’m alone. life is too much for me; i am too little; there is no hope._

#### The boy in the mirror

_the boy in the mirror stares at you with blood caked around the mouth and eyes dead under the moon and he tells you there is no way out of this cave where shadows lurk and eat away at your soul_

_but what if he were lying, what if you could have a choice?_

_yet you try to think of the future brightly but all your mind can come up with is dark and cloudy and roaring with a raging storm_

_the lights are broken and you_

_just_

_don’t know anymore._

#### The lights

_You can’t light back a candle without a flame—time keeps ticking you away._

#### The shadows

_there’s something to be said about boys like you: soft and gentle and yet so damaged you love to think yourself a man: made out of hard flesh and sinew and bone and so, so strong no one would be able to take from you, steel armor against the greed of the soul._

#### For a night

_a boy is not a soldier, a boy is not a soldier but he’s fighting — fighting in a war that isn’t his, won’t somebody save him? he’s drowning, he’s drowning and his hand slipped loose through my fingertips — and he claims he’ll live but you need to take him away from those eyes of his — he’s drowning, he’s drowning, do not let him leave._

#### Hell is a cold place

_wouldn’t it be sweet to relent—give him everything, sate his ache, some things humans like you don’t deserve,_

_and yet._

#### The road we take

_the road to hell starts and ends with the look on his face when he tells you he knows there’s something else you’d like to tell—but that, too, you knew, because you’ve seen his eyes and they, this you have been told, have never lied._

#### Bring me a tempest

_your mouth on his tears open a gash—and it bleeds in and it bleeds out and then he’s calling out your name, but you won’t hear; salvation is a stairway to heaven away, and you never learned how to climb._

#### Last night’s night

_but he aches for you so sweetly, tethering over the edge of desire on unsteady feet, and he’s telling you please don’t leave me and he’s telling you i will eat you alive; the devil doesn’t wear prada—he wears beige cardigan sweaters and deep purple v-necks, and he’s waiting for you round every corner that you take, let me in, he is whispering, i will never let you go._

::

_and he’s got you where he wants you, and you’ve asked for it and now he’ll never forgive you, for he will chase you to the very edge of the world until you tip over, cosmic balance shifting with his motion. Dante reached heaven, but for you—there’s no greater salvation, baby, than the one you will find in his arms._

#### After midnight

_his bathroom soap smells like flowers and he snores when he forgets he’s no longer dreaming alone, and he tells you ‘write about me’ like it matters even though there’s a water stain awaiting for you at home, and so what if you wrote?_

#### The way they leave

_the way he looks at you reminds you of a song you had forgotten. (i can’t believe you had forgot)._

#### The lips of a crowd

_the boy in the mirror is now covered in gold and silver and tells you there is room for forgiveness, and you want to believe it bad enough to let down your guard and listen,_

_as if you hadn’t tasted the apple, as if you were still holy,_

_despite all the things you’ve left in ruins._

#### The Sun, the Moon and their Eclipse, pt. I

 _a boy like a mirage stares at you from across the table and tells you that sometimes dreams come true, and when you tell him you’ve been broken he says nothing and starts to search for pieces to fix as if you could ever deserve to be the one he finally chooses_ — _as if he won’t be gone in the next blink of your eye, your lips dry, alone in a desert under the fire sun of july._

#### The Sun, the Moon and their Eclipse, pt. II

 _dawn came and ruined you, and your family and your dreams and everything you ever wanted there to be, and now you’re left alone but he’s listening and it feels like nobody’s listened to you in years_ — _he’s listening and he’s good, he’s shining, let him bring you home._

::

_kingdoms rise and fall along to the movement of his chest, and you’re in his throne room kneeling and wondering where will it all go wrong, if your first step could have also been your last or if the taste of your lips could ever be sweet enough for him to give up heaven for your touch._

#### No sweet dream

_in the morning, he’s Dorian Gray; proud and selfish and too beautiful for you to stare, shines as if he were golden and heals you with his touch when you’re both entangled in bed._

_by the time night comes, he’s young Werther again; broken desires of the soul, death in slow motion—it might as well drag itself over the next ten years too._

#### The palm of a hand

_sometimes i wonder what it’d be like to get your heart touched by kind hands, to feel warmth, to feel love._

_i believe i once knew about it, the way it made me feel as if i were on the top of the world, but now—i’ve seemingly just forgot._

#### The great perhaps

_you’ve hurt who you loved yet can’t help but carry her shadow, so what do you know? in the end there is nothing, dust and wind, memories rubbing themselves thin._

_he tells you this and you kiss him—but the end of this movie is one you won’t get to film._

::

_but flesh does not give; it only takes, takes, takes, and you’ve already run out of power, what are you gonna do?_

#### A tank full of sharks

_in my dreams your hands are soft and gentle when they reach over to hold me and every time i wake up thinking what would it take for you to take me — if it’s me who’s too weak for your weapons or if it’s you who would never dare shred your light over my damned shadow — and when i wake up it hurts less than it does_

_every time i do it next to you._

#### Found Him in a lover

_And your body — it just takes_

_And your eyes — they look at me and beg_

_And they tell me — help me,_

_save me,_

_take me far away from this place_

_And so I — fall_

_endlessly_

_down your path_

_(I think I’ll love you all my life)_

#### Swallowed by the Sun

_Wanting is the doom of mankind; greed is a sin, that you know, but oh—how delicious it is, to take until you’re sated, chest blooming under the promise of the impossible._

#### Fading fire

_how many days in average would i need to shred all my skin, to make sure you’ve never touched me, to wash away all the sin your lips have stained on me._

#### Memories of someone’s life

_have you ever been scared of closing your eyes in fear of what you’ll dream? has the memory of a boy no longer yours ever haunted you for so long that you often forget what was true and what was not, if the way he touched your arm as if you were a treasure worth protecting was real or made-up fact? if you haven’t then you’re lucky, and if you have—then you’re not, because the pain of waking up, baby, is one we both will have to share for a lifetime to come._

#### Everybody’s got their demons

_At last_

_I’m turning on the light._

#### There is happiness

_a boy so gentle he makes you breathe_

_among the flames of hell, with his fire kiss—_

_he’s the summer to your spring_

_this might as well be all you need._


End file.
